A tribute song for someone who died is a new song about one person, with their name in it. The lines come from small things the family remembers. Families play it at the service or under a memorial video, and some keep it for birthdays after.
You can write and record it yourself if you play a little, even three chords on a guitar. Or ask a musician friend, or hire a songwriter. A HeartCraft song card turns your memories into a song in about 10 minutes.
Whichever way you go, begin with a page of notes.
What to gather first
Before anyone writes a line, sit down with a notebook and fill a page about them. Ask one other person from the family to add to it. They'll remember things you've forgotten, and the same page will help whoever writes the eulogy.
A group text to their oldest friends helps too. Each one can send a single story, and you copy it in.
Keep something of theirs on the desk if you like, even just their reading glasses resting on the notebook. Most of the page won't make it into the song. So write fast, and leave the tidying for later.
If one memory hurts too much to write out, put down a single word for it and come back another day.
- Their full name and every nickname, including the one only the family used. If Tomas was "Papa T" at home, write both, and note how each one is said.
- Phrases they repeated, word for word.
- One place that was theirs. The porch step counts, and so does their end of the couch.
- A smell that brings them back, like cut grass or the hand cream by the sink.
- The routine they never skipped, such as the walk after dinner or the crossword with the radio on.
- A song they loved, and where they played it. Note the version too, if they had a favorite.
- What people said about them in the sympathy cards or at the wake. Copy any line that sounds like them.
- What you'd tell them now, if you had one more phone call.
Three ways to make a tribute song for someone who died
Families usually choose by counting the days left before the service. The last week fills up with phone calls and paperwork, so pick a way that leaves a day to spare.
With more than a week, any of the three will work. A friend can still manage with four days, as long as they start right away. With a day or two, pick whatever asks least of the family.
Write and record it yourself
Anyone who plays guitar or piano, even a little, can make the whole thing at home. Three or four chords and a slow tempo are plenty. Without a tune of your own, borrow an old hymn melody that's out of copyright, such as the one "Amazing Grace" is sung to.
Give yourself two evenings, one to write and one to record. The recording steps in our guide to creating a personalized song gift work the same way for a memorial song. Record in a bedroom with the curtains drawn and the phone about a foot away, since a tiled kitchen echoes.
It's fine if your voice shakes. Afterward, email the file to yourself so it survives a lost phone.
Ask a musician friend or hire a songwriter
Hiring a songwriter, or asking a friend who plays at church or in a band, usually takes a few days. Get the price and the delivery date in writing, and check that date against the service before anyone starts. A spare day for changes helps.
Send them your page of notes and a short voice memo of you saying the name. Someone who never met them can't guess how it's said. Ask, too, whether you'll see the words before the music is done, and what format the finished song comes in.
If a friend does it as a favor, thank them in the order of service.
Use a HeartCraft song card
On the HeartCraft song card page, you say who the song is for and share a few memories from your notes. Their name is sung in the chorus, and your memories go into the lines. It's ready in about 10 minutes, and the price shows in your currency before you pay.
Words like "kind" could describe anyone, so share the specific things, such as the nickname and the porch step.
You choose the language and the feel of the song. It arrives on WhatsApp or email as a link you can forward to relatives who can't travel.
A practical note: if the funeral home plays music from a USB stick, check on the song page whether you can get a file.
How to write the words
It helps to write the verses first. By the time you reach the chorus, you'll know which words keep coming back. You'll need a few drafts, and probably an evening or two when nothing comes.
- Pick two or three memories and let the rest go. More than that, and the verses get crowded. Take them from different years if you can, so the song covers more than one part of their life.
- Each memory gets its own verse. Put one real object in it, like their fishing hat or the mug by the kettle, so the room can picture it. A third memory can go in a short bridge before the last chorus.
- Use their sayings exactly as they said them. If Rosa ended every call with "love you, bye now," that line goes in whole, rhyme or no rhyme. The people who heard it every week will know her at once.
- Their name goes in the chorus. The chorus comes around three or four times, so the name is what people hear most. Short lines are easier on a shaky voice.
- Picture the front row and leave out anything that would hurt someone sitting there. If the family wants the hard months in the song, say them plainly and briefly.
- Last, read it out loud to one person who knew them and change anything that makes them wince. About three minutes is enough for a service. Print the final words in large type, like the eulogy, for whoever sings or reads them.
From those notes, a first verse for Tomas might read like this.
Papa T on the porch step, the crossword half done / the radio down low on the station he liked / cut grass on his boots from the walk after dinner / and "drive safe, kiddo" said to every one.
Playing it at the service
Ask the funeral home how they play music as soon as the date is set. Some run a laptop from an AV cart at the side of the room. If they want a USB stick, hand one over in a labeled envelope with the family name on it.
Test the song on their speakers before the day. A voice that sounds clear on a phone can get lost in a large room. In a church, ask to run it at the sound check the night before.
Put it straight after the eulogy, while the room is quiet and everyone is thinking about the person who died. Its title belongs in the order of service (the printed program).
One person should be in charge of pressing play, with a backup copy on a second phone. They'll also need to know whether to let it play to the end.
Existing songs for someone who passed away
These suit families who want a song that already exists. Several began as a songwriter's own tribute to someone they lost, so they sit well at a memorial. Our full list of funeral songs has more, hymns included.
Pick the one they'd have turned up in the car. Whichever it is, download it instead of streaming it on the day, in case the signal drops.
- "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton (1992). Clapton wrote it with Will Jennings after his four-year-old son died.
- "Supermarket Flowers" by Ed Sheeran (2017). Written from his mom's point of view after his grandmother died. If it's for your mom, there are more songs about mothers in our list of funeral songs for mom.
- "Into My Arms" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (1997). It opens with doubts about God and turns into a plain love song. Good in a room where not everyone prays.
- "Dance with My Father" by Luther Vandross (2003). Suits a dad who danced with his kids in the kitchen. Richard Marx helped him write it.
- "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" by Steve Wariner (1998). Country. It follows one family through two deaths, a grandmother's and then a wife's.
- "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan (1995). Close the memorial video on this one. It's quiet enough to sit under the last few photos.
- "The Living Years" by Mike + The Mechanics (1988). Mike Rutherford wrote it with B.A. Robertson after both lost their fathers. A song for whatever went unsaid.
- "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong (1967). It's fine to finish on something bright, and this is gentle enough for any room.
A birthday song for someone who passed away
Their birthday keeps arriving. Some families play the tribute song that morning with the coffee on, and others drive out to the grave with a thermos and a folding chair.
Or add a verse a year. Just one, with the news they'd have wanted to hear, like the grandchild who arrived in March or the roses by the fence coming back again. Give it five years and the song is longer than the one played at the service, and it belongs to the whole family.
A birthday song for someone who passed away can be that small. One verse, sung in the car with the phone propped on the dashboard. Save each year's recording to a shared family folder, because phones get dropped and replaced. For the harder days in between, there's our list of songs about losing a loved one.
Other things families want to know
Can I make a memorial song after the funeral?
Yes. A tribute song for someone who died can come months later, for the first anniversary or the day the ashes are scattered. Waiting also gives you time to gather more stories.
How do I fit the song to a memorial video?
About five seconds per photo works, so a three-minute song holds around 36 photos. Put the song on the timeline first, then lay the photos over it and end on the one the family likes best. If you have more photos than that, add a second song.
What if I can't get through singing it live?
Record it beforehand and play the recording at the service. You can still stand at the front while it plays, if you'd like to.
Can children help write it?
They can. Ask each child for one memory and one thing the person always said, then use at least one of their lines as written. Younger ones can draw a picture of the person instead, and you write a line about what's in it.