The car radio is still on the station they set. You have not moved it. These songs about loss are for that, for the first weeks and the birthdays that keep arriving years later.
Start with "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton. He wrote it after his 4-year-old son, Conor, died in 1991, and it is as quiet as anything here. This page is for the grieving itself rather than the planning, so if you're choosing music for a service this week, these funeral songs will help more.
Songs about missing someone who died
Some songs about losing someone talk straight to the person who died, the way you might at the kitchen table after everyone else has gone to bed. They keep you company on the nights you play the old voicemail, and on the nights you can't. Several were written for grandparents.
- "Missing You" by Diana Ross (1984). Lionel Richie wrote it for her after Marvin Gaye died that spring.
- "Holes in the Floor of Heaven" by Steve Wariner (1998). It starts with a grandmother and ends at a daughter's wedding, in the rain. Save it for a gray afternoon.
- "Marjorie" by Taylor Swift (2020). Her grandmother sang opera, and old recordings of her are tucked into the backing vocals (turn it up to catch them).
- "I Drive Your Truck" by Lee Brice (2012). If you kept their car, this one is yours.
- "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men (1995). Slow to get going. Carey and Boyz II Men trade the lines right to the end.
- "Slipped Away" by Avril Lavigne (2004). She was still a teenager when her grandfather died. The chorus is mostly "I miss you," sung again and again.
- "Who You'd Be Today" by Kenny Chesney (2005). For someone who died young. You might still catch yourself guessing what job they'd have now.
- "Ghost" by Justin Bieber (2021). It moves faster than most of these, so take it for a walk on the days you can't sit still.
- "Grandma's Hands" by Bill Withers (1971). Withers keeps it to her hands, the ones that clapped in church and picked him up when he fell.
- "Someone You Loved" by Lewis Capaldi (2018). Keep this one for headphones. Capaldi's voice frays at the top of every chorus, and that is a lot to sit through with other people in the car.
For the first weeks
Try these at night, with one lamp on and their coat still on the hook by the door. They are songs about grief that go at your pace, and a few are good to send to a friend who has just lost someone. Playing the same one 20 times in a row is allowed.
- "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. (1992). Simple words, sung slowly, for the friend who has stopped answering calls. Michael Stipe sounds like someone sitting on the edge of the bed with you.
- "Only Time" by Enya (2000). Leave it on at 3 a.m.
- "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (1997). Mostly piano and one voice. If you need a song to cry to, it's this one.
- "Before You Go" by Lewis Capaldi (2019). Go gently with this one: it stays with the questions after a death nobody saw coming, and it does not try to answer them.
- "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon & Garfunkel (1970). The one to send when you don't know what to say. Art Garfunkel starts it with only a piano behind him.
- "My Immortal" by Evanescence (2003). For when the house still feels full of them. Amy Lee sings to someone gone who won't quite leave.
- "You'll Never Walk Alone" by Gerry and the Pacemakers (1963). In the musical Carousel, it is sung to a young woman whose husband has just died. Liverpool's soccer fans took it over later.
- "Fix You" by Coldplay (2005). Quiet organ and falsetto for a long while, then the whole band at once. It suits whoever has been holding everyone else together.
Songs about losing a parent
Their handwriting is still on the fridge. Milk, at the top of a grocery list, and the cereal nobody else in the house eats. You might leave it there a while. Sons and daughters sing most of these, and a couple are about parents who were hard to know.
- "Dance with My Father" by Luther Vandross (2003). Vandross lost his father as a boy and wrote the song with Richard Marx. Gentle enough to play with your kids in the room.
- "Supermarket Flowers" by Ed Sheeran (2017). Sheeran sings it as his mom, after his grandmother died. It opens with clearing the flowers off a windowsill.
- "The Living Years" by Mike + The Mechanics (1988). For the things you never got to say. In the last verse, he hears his father in his own newborn's crying.
- "Julia" by The Beatles (1968). Lennon was 17 when his mother died. He recorded it for her on his own, with only a guitar.
- "You Should Be Here" by Cole Swindell (2015). His dad died just as his music career was starting. Play it on the good days with a gap in them, a graduation or a wedding morning.
- "How Can I Help You Say Goodbye" by Patty Loveless (1993). Three goodbyes, and the last one is at her mother's bedside. The title question comes back after every verse.
- "Leader of the Band" by Dan Fogelberg (1981). Fogelberg's father led school bands, and this thanks him while he was still around to hear it. Good for a dad who taught you to play something.
- "Death with Dignity" by Sufjan Stevens (2015). Carrie, his mother, left when he was about one. The song forgives her anyway, almost in a whisper.
- "The Greatest Man I Never Knew" by Reba McEntire (1991). A dad who said hello every day and not much else, and a daughter still waiting on the rest. It does not pretend they were close.
When it was a friend
Losing a friend can leave you grieving from the edges, in the back pew or the group chat, while the family sits up front. Maybe you found out from a text, or from their sister, two days late. Songs about the death of a loved one lean toward family, so these are for the friend you used to call first.
- "Fire and Rain" by James Taylor (1970). The first verse is about his friend Suzanne, who died while he was away. Taylor wrote the rest about his own worst years.
- "Here Today" by Paul McCartney (1982). McCartney talks to John Lennon as if he were across the table, and says the soft things out loud at last.
- "One More Light" by Linkin Park (2017). Written for a friend of the band who died. After Chester Bennington's death that summer, it's hard to hear any other way.
- "Who Knew" by Pink (2006). Bright guitars and a lot of anger. She would have fought anyone who said this friend would be gone in three years.
- "Go Rest High on That Mountain" by Vince Gill (1994). Vince Gill's high tenor carries most of it, over a slow fiddle. Play it once and let it finish.
- "Drink a Beer" by Luke Bryan (2013). For the evening after the phone call. The whole song is one man at the end of a pier while the sun goes down.
- "Sometimes It Snows in April" by Prince (1986). A song for a friend called Tracy. Prince himself died in April 2016, 30 years after it came out.
Songs about loss that leave room for hope
When you want songs about loss that aren't only sad, put one of these on. Some lean on faith and some don't, and most of them work with other people in the room. Try one at a family dinner, low, under the talking.
- "Let It Be" by The Beatles (1970). McCartney wrote it after his mother, Mary, came to him in a dream. She had died when he was 14.
- "It Is Well with My Soul" (hymn). A plain choir recording suits it better than a big one. The man who wrote it had just lost his daughters at sea, and it still sounds calm.
- "The Dance" by Garth Brooks (1989). Brooks weighs the pain against the time together and keeps the time. Play it once the visitors stop coming.
- "Turn! Turn! Turn!" by The Byrds (1965). The words come almost straight from Ecclesiastes, over a bright twelve-string guitar. Pete Seeger put them to music first.
- "Into the West" by Annie Lennox (2003). It plays at the end of The Return of the King, over ships leaving for somewhere peaceful. Lennox sings it low and steady.
- "When I Get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley (2005). Dolly Parton sings with him on this picture of heaven. Best for a family that prays.
- "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong (1967). Armstrong was in his sixties when he sang it, and you can hear the years in his voice.
- "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn (1939). A wartime goodbye from Britain that admits it does not know where or when. Your oldest relatives may know every word.
- "Believe" by Brooks & Dunn (2005). For anyone whose faith has gone shaky. An old neighbor who buried his wife and son talks to a boy about why he still believes.
For the anniversary of a death, and birthdays after
Somewhere in the cupboard is a mug nobody uses, and on certain dates you take it down anyway. Their birthday comes back every year. So does the date they died, which might land on a Tuesday with work in the morning. Light a candle if that's your family's way, or play one song while you get dressed.
- "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day (2004). Billie Joe Armstrong's father died in September, when Armstrong was 10. For the month you would skip if you could.
- "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd (1975). It opens with someone tuning a radio, then a guitar that sounds like it is coming through a small speaker. Play it on their birthday.
- "Days" by The Kinks (1968). A thank-you, start to finish, for the days you had together. Kirsty MacColl's 1989 cover is softer, if the original feels too bright.
- "Keep Me in Your Heart" by Warren Zevon (2003). Zevon wrote it after he was told he was dying. It asks to be remembered for a while, and nothing bigger than that.
- "Happy Birthday" by Stevie Wonder (1980). Wonder wrote it to campaign for a holiday on Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, so it's a birthday song for a man who had died. Loud and happy, if your family wants a party.
- "The Parting Glass" (traditional song). An old Irish and Scottish goodbye, sung at the end of a night. Raise a glass to them with it.
Ways to use music while grieving
The car radio probably still has their station saved. Leave it. Nobody is checking how long you keep it there.
For the drive itself, five or six songs about losing a loved one is plenty, and a short playlist is easier to face than an hour of them. If you can still get into their music account, open what they saved. It's a playlist they made without meaning to, an old album sitting next to a podcast about fishing.
Birthdays need a plan. One song, played at the hour they used to call (7 a.m. in some families, Sunday night in others), then sent to your brother or your aunt with a single line about them. That text is often easier than a phone call that morning.
If they once made you a playlist, don't edit it. Copy it and add to the copy.
Talking helps too, with a friend on a long walk or with a grief counselor once a week.
A song about them
None of these songs knows how they took their coffee.
HeartCraft can make a song with their name in the chorus out of the small things you tell it. If his name was Marcus, the family hears Marcus, sung, with the coffee and his fishing hat somewhere in the lines. You pick the language and the feel. About 10 minutes later it lands on your WhatsApp or email as a link, ready to pass around the family chat.
A few more questions
What can I play on the first holiday without them?
For Christmas, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" by Bing Crosby (1943) is a gentle choice. It began as a wartime song about getting home in dreams if nowhere else, and it is still the softest one on the radio in December. On any other holiday, play whatever was on while they cooked, cheerful or not.
How do I send a song to someone who is grieving?
Send it with one line about the person who died, something like "This one made me think of your dad's laugh." Then leave it alone. A reply might take a week, or never come, and both are all right.
How do I find a song they loved if I only remember a few words?
Type the words you remember into a search bar inside quotation marks, with the word lyrics after them. If you only have the tune, hum it into the search app on your phone. Or ask whoever rode in the car with them most.
Is it okay to stop listening to sad songs about losing someone for a while?
Yes. Take them off shuffle for a month or a year, and come back to them when you want to, or don't. A quiet car is allowed too.