Five men turn round when somebody at a family function shouts "uncle". Chachu, tauji, mama, mausa ji and fufa ji all answer to it, and no two want the same message. Tease chachu all you like. Tauji gets aap, start to finish.
So these birthday wishes for uncle come sorted by which uncle he is, with Hindi and Hinglish lines after the funny ones.
Birthday wishes for uncle, papa's side or mummy's
Easy ones first.
These work on any uncle (even the one you only see at weddings). He'll reply "Thank you beta, God bless" to whatever you send, so send a good one.
- You clapped loudest when I forgot my lines in the Class 4 play. Still clapping.
- Your laugh gets into the house before your shoes come off.
- Every family photo has you in the middle, directing. Happy birthday from the second row.
- First ring, every time I've called. Happy birthday, uncle.
- Favourite uncle, happy birthday. Don't tell the others.
- Hope nobody touches your newspaper today till you've reached the last page.
- Sorry this is only a text. The proper wish comes on Sunday, with barfi.
- Let someone else fix the inverter this year. You can supervise.
- You covered my school books in brown paper every June. Neater than mummy did.
To send any of these birthday wishes for uncle as more than a text, put it in a birthday card on HeartCraft, with Classic for tauji and Bestie for the chachu who's practically a friend.
Birthday wishes for chachu, the fun one
Your chachu still uses the nickname you've begged him to drop, usually on speakerphone. Get him back today, and keep it casual. A "respected chacha ji" would make him wonder what you broke.
- You held my cycle seat down the whole gali, then let go near the dhobi's cart.
- That Bullet's older than me, and you'd sell me before you sold it.
- Chachi says you've been practising your cake-cutting face since breakfast.
- Thanks for the Sunday driving lessons on the school ground. Sorry about the wall.
- You let me play Snake on your Nokia when nobody else would.
- We bunked tuition for a first-day first show. Mummy thinks we went for a compass box.
- Happy birthday, getaway driver.
- I sat behind you on the ghodi at your wedding, in a tiny safa, crying.
- Thirty-six, and you're at the cousins' end of the table again. Never move.
- My first crackers came from you, hidden in a shoebox under your bed.
- You're why I can whistle with two fingers. Mummy has never thanked you.
- Flat tyre at midnight? You're the first number I'd ring.
Birthday wishes for tauji, with aap
Mind your grammar with this one. Tauji reads every message twice, once for the wish and once for the spelling (yes, he'll bring up the typo at Sunday lunch, in front of everyone). Any Hindi you slip in should be aap.
- Pranaam, tauji. The transistor in your kurta pocket announces you're back from your walk.
- Half the reason we visit is the toffee you hand out after every pranaam.
- Thanks for every shagun envelope with the one-rupee coin. I kept a few, unopened.
- Aapko janamdin ki badhai, tauji. Let one of us win the Diwali card game this year.
- Your word is final in this house, so today you pick the cake.
- Our chief adviser on anything bigger than a fridge. Happy birthday.
- Every big decision of mine went past you first. Aapka aashirwad chahiye.
- Taiji says you've been ready since seven. We're impressed.
- Happy birthday, tauji. Aap ghar mein hote hain toh sab theek lagta hai.
- A long, easy year to you, and a full table at Holi.
For mama, who spoilt you every summer
Usually the favourite. Mama's house was where the holidays happened, and nobody there checked your bedtime. He'll forward your message to mummy before replying, so mention her somewhere.
- Summers at your house meant mangoes cooling in a bucket and me refusing to leave.
- Manjha cuts on your fingers every Sankranti, and you let me hold the charkhi anyway.
- It's months since Raksha Bandhan and mummy's rakhi is still on your wrist.
- You fold a 500-rupee note into my palm every visit and whisper "don't tell mummy". She knows.
- Mamu, you're out of the house before our auto even stops.
- Mela on your cycle crossbar, and you bought everything I pointed at.
- Loud birthday wishes from your loudest bhanji. Mummy says I get it from you.
- You threw me into nana's canal and called it a swimming lesson. Rude, but it worked.
Mausa ji and fufa ji
Both get a ji, every time, even inside a joke. Mausa ji laughs at anything, and fufa ji will read yours out to bua twice. And if jiju's birthday is next, the birthday wishes for jiju have their own page.
- Mausa ji, half the jokes at our dining table are yours, and half are about you.
- Happy birthday, fufa ji. We wished you first, so no sulking at the next wedding till a plate arrives.
- You honk twice at our gate, mausa ji. We'd know it was you anyway.
- Pranaam, fufa ji. Diwali starts when your box of Agra petha arrives.
- Mausa ji, you laugh at mausi's jokes before she finishes them.
- You married my favourite bua and became my favourite fufa. Lucky us.
- Four hours' drive to every function, and gone before dessert. Stay for the cake, fufa ji.
Funny lines for the uncle who can take it
He's told the same Diwali joke since the nineties, so he can take one back. Tease the habits (the speeches, the forwards, the shortcuts, the 9:30 bedtime) and leave his health alone. One small warning. He'll read your line aloud at the next lunch.
- Your shortcut to the wedding hall added half an hour. You still call it a shortcut.
- Good-morning roses on my phone before the milkman's even rung. Happy birthday, uncle.
- May today's speech be shorter than the last wedding's. It won't be.
- Birthday rules. You're allowed to stay up past 9:30. Once.
- Forty seconds of voice note, thirty of them "haan, hello, haan, sun rahe ho?" Happy birthday, Kanpur.
- Two hours early for every train. Please don't do that to the party.
- Your car's side mirror has been on black tape since 2015, engineer sahib.
- Uncle ji, the five-kilometre school walk story again, please. With the river.
- You haggle over two rupees at the mandi, then tip the sabziwala ten.
- SIP advice at every lunch since my first salary. Mine is simpler. Cut the cake.
- "Very nice beta" under every photo I post, even the dosa. Happy birthday, most loyal follower.
For the uncle who's been like a father
Some uncles quietly do papa's job for years and never mention it. Tell him plainly. He'll say "arre, kya zaroorat thi" and then never delete it.
- You drove me to my first exam at 6:30 and waited three hours in the car. I never thanked you. Thank you, chachu.
- With papa in Siliguri, you came to every PTM and argued with my maths teacher like it was your own report card.
- You showed me how to shave with papa's old razor. I still do it your way.
- Tauji, you stood in papa's place at my wedding and, for once, made no speech. You just held my hand too tight.
- I've never called you papa and I don't need to. You know.
- On my first day of college you ironed my shirt, then pretended you hadn't checked the collar twice.
In Hindi, with aap throughout
Writing to someone over fifty? Hindi gets a longer reply, often with a blessing at the end. These suit tauji, and chachu won't mind the aap.
- दादी कहती हैं कि बचपन में आप मुझसे भी ज़्यादा शरारती थे, चाचू। अब समझ आया।
- ताऊजी, आपकी हर जेब में इलायची और हर बात में कोई सीख। जन्मदिन पर प्रणाम।
- मामा जी, गर्मी की छुट्टियों में आपकी छत पर लेटकर तारे गिनना मेरे बचपन का सबसे अच्छा हिस्सा था।
- मौसा जी, आपको हर पुराना गाना याद है, इसलिए अंताक्षरी में आपकी टीम कभी नहीं हारती।
- फूफा जी, बुआ के हर जन्मदिन पर आप शेर सुनाते हैं। आज हम सुनाएँगे, हँसिएगा मत।
- चाचा जी, शतरंज में आपको कभी नहीं हरा पाया। आपके जन्मदिन पर कोशिश भी नहीं करूँगा।
- अंकल जी, आपकी गाड़ी वाली नब्बे के गानों की पेन ड्राइव आज भी मेरी फ़ेवरेट है।
- आपके कैलेंडर पर सबके जन्मदिन लाल पेन से गोल किए होते हैं। आज वाला गोला हमने बनाया है।
Hinglish lines for the chat
Roman letters, Hindi words. Keep these for the uncles who text in Hinglish themselves (chachu, almost certainly). There's more for the chat among the birthday wishes for WhatsApp, late ones included.
- Chachu, aapne speakerphone pe Golu bola tha, ab poora office Golu bulata hai. Thank you bilkul nahi.
- Tauji, aapke "humare zamane mein" wale kisse aaj phir sunenge. Cake ke baad, pakka.
- Mausa ji, har shaadi ki photos aapne kheenchi hain, aadhi mein aapka angootha bhi hai.
- Chacha ji, har Sunday Maruti dhone wala pyaar aaj humein bhi milega.
- Mamu, nani ke ghar wali kulfi is baar main khilaungi. Bas meri wali mat kha lijiyega.
- Fufa ji, aapki safari suit wali photo aaj bhi drawing room mein lagi hai.
- Uncle, chhat wale mirchi ke paudhe bhi aaj aapko happy birthday bol rahe hain.
- Chachu, Murthal ke dhaabe pe paranthe aaj meri taraf se. Gaadi aap chalaiye.
- Taya ji, aapse pehle aapka mithai ka dabba ghar mein aata hai.
- Happy birthday, mama ji! Aapke haath ka mutton khaane hum lunch pe aa rahe hain.
When he turns 60 or 70
At sixty he's probably just retired (or about to be), and the house is suddenly full of him at eleven in the morning, asking what's for lunch. Write about the time he has now. His office already gave the career speech.
- The office gave you a wall clock. Hang it where you'll never need to look.
- Happy 60th, mausa ji. Sixty candles was a fire hazard, so there are six. Do the maths.
- Your first birthday without a Monday attached to it. Sleep in, chachu.
- Happy 70th, tauji. All three generations you've blessed at the door are here to touch your feet.
- Seventy, fufa ji, and you still dress better than every grandson at the party.
For a seventieth, the 70th birthday wishes page has longer letters and lines from the grandchildren.
Frequently asked questions
Chachu or chacha ji, which one goes in a message?
Whichever one you say at home. Chachu suits a private chat, and chacha ji a printed card or anything the elders will see.
What's a polite birthday wish for a friend's father?
Something short with uncle ji in it, like "Happy birthday, uncle ji, and thanks for all those lifts after tuition." The birthday wishes sorted by tone have plenty more, and each drops straight into a card.
What about the uncle next door?
In person, if you catch him on his evening walk. By text, thank him for something he does for the lane, like keeping everyone's spare keys.